Indirection

Why is it that people like to be so indirect when it come to things happening? I really hate it. I honestly prefer if you were direct is straight up telling me what's wrong. Why do you need to ignore someone? Why do you need to do all this things like this? Why do you need to make it so awkward? If you don't want this friendship then let me know, don't fucking fuck around with me. Why make this friendship so awkward? If you don't want just say it. I am honestly really tired. I'm not tired of this friendship, but I am tired to need to keep on trying to sustain this friendship.

Looking back.. Honestly, I have never really see you apologize or step up to solve the problem.. Maybe it is just a selfish side I am looking at but the whole time I felt that I have been always the one to step up and try to resolve a problem between us.. It's always I that have to call you and apologize that I be the one to always calling you to talk things out. When will it be your turn? Or have it not been realized that this is tiring me out a lot.. Yeah, you may have a 'pride' that goes with the saying "You'll never back out in a argument and that you'll never apologize." I have my pride too and there is only so much I'll do, so much I can only bend and push my limits for a friendship.

This time, I told myself. I will continue on this friendship and put the required effort in it. But if you put no effort in the friendship, I wouldn't bother anymore. This time, I mean it. I won't bother to go that extra mile to sustain this friendship, there is only so much I can do and I am getting tired already. Why make it seems like so disinterest in being my friend? If it is so just tell me. I'll make it easy by walking out. Cause I figured out, if you don't bother about this friendship, then I shouldn't. Obviously this friendship means nothing to you. So you're not worth it.

Emily xx

Handling of friendship issues?

 Don't cry over those who do not care about you.

So today I saw a photo and it got me thinking... Who are the scariest people on Earth? Not murders, not rapist, not the government neither your enemies. I think it is those who are the closest to you.. Yup, those friends that you hold to heart. THEY are the ones that can prove to you that they can be the scariest people on Earth. Nope, don't get ahead of me just yet. Those that are closest to you.. those that knows your weakness.. those who knows what makes you upset.. and they use it against you. I personally think those are the scariest people on Earth. It's just like the saying of rather having a true enemy than to have a fake friend. I am not saying they are my fake friends, I am just saying that they are so close to you, that you hold them to heart and they know all your weakness and when they are upset at you, they use it against you. Sad huh? And you know what's the worst part? It is that they are your good friends. The one you treat like family, the ones you treasure the most and the one you'll fight every battle for and with. 

With the photo I saw, I hate to say but she did hit a nerve. I was very angry when I saw it but I wasn't surprise. In fact, I was waiting for her to post that photo and I damn right know her intention of posting that photo. So maybe cause I know her intentions I wasn't as angry.. but since I wasn't as angry as I was before.. It set me to think.. Am I really angry? 

No. I realized that I am not angry.. not at all. But instead, I was hurt. Very hurt. The reason why I was hurt was because I realized her intentions of posting that photo.. and the fact she knows this photo was going to set me off. I hate to say this but I am way beyond hurt. The term 'hurt' would be an understatement. Because I realized that she knows that posting this I would be hurt and she KNOWS that it hurts me and how it challenges my insecurity in my friendships. Like what I have said in my previous post, I never want to lose a friendship. That I never want to 'share' too much of my friends to other people. Yes, they have the rights to make friends, I am not saying that they don't but you would understand how it would affect someone. 

What made me even hurt was that both of them were my good friends. The ones I held at heart, the ones that I am willing to drop everything just to jump to their rescue. Yeah, maybe I can understand why she wanted to post it. Maybe cause I have upsetted her and it was her way of coming back at me... but what broke me was that how I realized the other one didn't bother to stop her. And I can assure you, both of them knows how much I 'hated' to see them together. Why? Why? Why? Then I got angry because it amuses me so much how the other one was such a 'nice' person and how she... you just know. She is like the super nice person among the clique, always so meek and gentle and always 'helping' others. But yet she is capable of causing so much hurt. Wow. Have I not learn to underestimated people. 

Things like this kills me. It's sad to see how people can abandon other people feelings and go all out. Opps, shouldn't say so much. I might be one of those before. Maybe this is karma huh? Maybe one day when this blog is being discovered, she might say 'Treating you like how you treat others.' Yeah maybe. 

Love x,

Emily